To be happy.
To be trusted.

And most of all...


To be loved.

Posted [ 07:09 AM | November 26, 2008] [1 Just Loved Me ]

Why do I feel that the world is falling down on me again?
God, I hate feeling this way.

Why am I not smiling?
When there are so many reasons to smile and be happy about today.

Why can I still hear my heart break into tiny little pieces?
When I have said I am moving forward already.

Why am I hiding what I'm really feeling?
Because I don't want people to know that I'm hurting.

Yes, I don't want everyone to know how hurt and in pain I am.
I don't want them to see my vulnerability.

But truth is...

I am hurt.
I am in pain.


Why is it so hard not to look back?
Is it because I never got my closure?
Or it is because it is already right in front of me but I just couldn't see it?

Damn! I really hate feeling this way.
If there is one feeling in the world I'd rather not feel...this is it.


Why is it that when we are at most peace with ourselves (mind, heart and body)...someone will come into our lives and break that peace? Make us feel that we are the most important thing that happened in their lives and make us believe that they love us and they are afraid to lose us.

And then we wake up one morning and they are not there anymore. We search for them. We cry a river of tears. Exert all of our the efforts just to make them feel that we are still here and that we still love them.
But they are nowhere to be found. And we are left wondering...

"What did I do wrong?"
"Is it because of something I said?"
"Is it because of something I did?"
"Is it because he/she doesn't love me anymore?"


Our broken hearts our getting broken everyday into tiny little pieces because we don't know where we stand. We are left hanging in the air trying to figure out if they still card for us or if they still love us. These people had the balls or the guts to tell us that they love us. But they didn't have the balls or guts to tell us that they're leaving us or they don't love us anymore. This is the part I don't really understand.


Why can't happiness last?
Why does it have to end when you least expect it?
Why does it rain the hardest on the people who deserves the sun?


I guess, there are people who will come into our lives and make us believe that they love us and then hurt us...BIG TIME. The kind of hurt you'll never forget for as long as you live. The kind that will still hurt you when you're alone and you look back at your life 20 years from now. Yeah, that kind of hurt. SUCKS, I know.


I still feel alone. I still feel that something is missing and I know what it is...MY CLOSURE.
Is that too much to ask?
I just don't want to live my life with what if's.
Truth is...it really hurts me that what started so beautifully will end or ended the way it is.
I wasn't prepared at all .
I just realized that it hit me so hard and when I stood up, the guy I love was gone.
Because he got tired.
He could've told me.
He could've said something.
But he didn't.
He chose to be very cold and distant.


My tears are flowing again.
Hay...

Posted [ 03:03 PM | November 14, 2008] [6 Just Loved Me ]