CRIMSON SKY

Stress never seems to go away. Just when you think you've bled everything out, or even a very good portion of it, there's always some unexpected development that will take the place of whatever you've flushed out. There's always a damn catch to every single detail that you encounter, every new thing that comes your way. More often than not, you can never take something at face value alone. There's always bound to be a flaw in there somewhere. Like they say, you can't have it all, no matter how much you push for it.. Don't you just hate those situations, the type of situation that dangles so many things that you want, so many things that will make you happy, and then, poof, the catch 22 comes in, pulls that little carrot away from your fingertips, farther and farther, until you're looking like the ultimate idiot for even bothering to try because you will never get it?

Peace of mind is something that I've missed for so long. For as long as I've lived, there have only been so few situations and so few times that I have actually been at peace, content with the things around me at the moment, not looking for anything else. This statement is made discounting the childhood years, when really, you couldn't give a damn about anything else, except play time and attention and getting fed. So to all those who might consider a little debate, let me just rephrase that statement to stop that from beginning. For as long as I've lived, through the teenage years all the way to the adult life of today, there have been only so few situations and so few times that I have actually been at peace.. Ayan ha, klaro na.

I honestly don't like surprises. I mean yes, pleasant surprises are good and more than welcome. But generally I hate them. Because more often than not, surprises that come my way are those that are not pleasant, or those that don't seem to have a positive way to deal with them. Unexpected developments, especially those that don't seen to have a "somewhat easier on the mind and heart" way of handling them, are things that I really get frustrated over. Sure I'll still be able to handle them in the final analysis. But it does take a damn toll on me. After pondering and pondering over the necessary courses of action, and after eventually dealing with all of it, I'm left tired, an invisible weight strapped all over, and just really drained. My eyes would usually tell it all.. When you look at them after the whole ordeal is done, the first thing you'll see is sadness.. and then after a few seconds later.. nothing.. just a plain, blank, cold stare..

A little girl asked me if I had my own specific places to be alone, to meditate and just release everything without having to worry about anyone else giving a damn what I do. Of course she didn't word it that way, but that was the essence. Do I have my own place or fortress of peace and solitude that I can retreat to whenever I just want that peace of mind, or even a semblance of it? Sadly I could only give one answer. It would be the rooftop of my dad's office in Makati. There is a small patio like place there where the students come to smoke and study and talk, and whenever I'm at my dad's office, I go there if I just want to be alone with my thoughts. But that place is sparingly used since I really haven't been around that area a lot. So even more sadly, I had to tell her that with the kind of job I have and the kind of life I lead, I've had to pay the price of losing so many places of peace, because almost everywhere I go, I'm bound to bump into somebody I know, or somebody who knows me (a friend of a friend, an old acquaintance at work, school or wherever).

So where do I retreat to when I want to relax? Sure, seeing my friends, as I've mentioned before in my older blog entries, is one sure fire way for me to relax and detoxify myself from all the stress. Sure, resting at home or spending time with my family helps too. But then again, you still don't get to clear your head much of anything. You still worry and gripe about something. So again the question, if I barely have any places left to go when I want peace, where do I go?

Well, to be honest, its really the wrong question to ask. My peace of mind is no longer attained through retreating to a place. My peace of mind is somehow regained, if not, given a near 90% carbon copy of its original, by doing certain things. My time spent at the gym is one of them. I don't go around socializing at the gym. I focus on myself on just workout, not giving a damn about anyone. When I'm there, its all about me.. I haven't really gotten to go to the gym in a while.. But I was lucky to be able to do something else that I found in 2003, really clears my mind, and relaxes me.. I was able to target shoot after so long..

A good friend of mine who has access to the AFP and PNP targeting range asked me to join him for a quick bite. We met up near Makati, had a few cups of coffee over a really good catch-up session, and then after hearing how stressed out I've been, he told me to come with him and shoot a few rounds before we go back to the reality of our work lives. So what the heck, I needed it. I went with him. Of course the earlier point I made about not failing to encounter somebody I knew almost everywhere I went was again proven correct the minute I stepped the range floor. 3 officers I've worked with during a few Go Negosyo stints, 2 I've met from other friends, and 2 other civilian friends happened to be there. So yeah, I guess that's a tried and tested point right there.

I have to say, hearing the gunfire and smelling the various qualities of cordite seemed to already relax me. But no, I wasn't just here to smell cordite and hear the sounds of a .45, a 9 mm, and various other rifles being fired. I was going to shoot with them too. As I was about to grab my wallet to pay for the rental of a gun and the bullets, all of them told me not to even think about grabbing my wallet since they all decided to just lend me whatever they were not using at the time. So I had 3 - 4 guns to use at my pleasure: a Colt .45 Competition Modified Handgun, a Beretta 9 mm, an M16, and an MP5. The very touch of those guns in my hands sent tingles down my spine. Kind of a like a lost extension of myself finding its way back to me. Okay, that was one dramatic way to put it. But really, that's how it felt to me. The feel of the weight of each gun as held them was such a relaxing feeling.

I started first with the Beretta 9 mm, just to get the feel of shooting again after so long. First 3 shots hit the target a little above and to the left of the bull's eye, but probably around 3-5 centimeters away from it, so it was pretty close. Then the remaining 12 shots that I had for the Beretta (I shot 15 rounds for the 9 mm and another 15 for the Colt .45) hit the target the way I wanted them to hit, 2 in the head, 3 gut shots, and the rest were near bull's eye, 4 having hit the bull's eye. Looking at the target area, I suddenly felt a flashback coming in, our first family target shooting session at the Army Range in Fort Bonifacio. I remember the Drill Sergeant who was teaching us how to shoot. I remember him saying that we were all very natural shooters. We all had a good eye for hitting the target right down pat, which is quite ironic given the fact that we really don't have 20/20 vision. I remember the officer telling my dad after seeing me shoot with both the pistol and rifles, "Sir, anak nyo talaga yung bunso nyo." ("The youngest is really YOUR son.") .. I apparently inherited a lot of the innate skills of my father, and since I also happen to share a lot of his interests and passion, I also inherited his drive to perfect those skills.. Guess I still haven't lost them after so long..

Shooting with Colt .45, was a nostalgic moment. I haven't felt the power of this handgun in a really long time. So of course, I expected that my first 4-5 shots would veer off wildly. It did veer off. But not as wild as I expected, about an inch or 3 from the mark. Then it all started to fall in place for me again with the succeeding shots making their targets 90% of the time. My God, the reverberation of the recoil coursing through my arms was such an ecstatic feeling that I have not felt in a really long time. Its the sort that runs down all across your body and right down to your heart. Of course the rifles will produce a much better feel of that. But I will get to that one in a bit. Needless to say, I missed it so much.

Finally after shooting two pistols for a straight duration of minutes, I took a break, smoked and chatted with my buddies for a few minutes. I watched a few them do their rounds and of course like any group would do, exchange friendly banters and jeers. After a decent amount of time for the break, say around 15 minutes, I decided to pick and spend the remaining amount of time that we had left with the M-16. All I can say for this particular M-16 shooting session was..OH.. MY.. GOD!! My targets for the rifle round consisted of 10 small balls at the end of the rifle range, the usual metal plates and paper targets.. Let's summarize everything at I did single shot hits with the ball targets and metal plates. Put in a new magazine afterwards, and did a fully automatic salvo with paper target. Again, a flashback comes into mind when I again recall the conversation with officer and my dad about our very similar skills. My dad was a much more skilled marksman with a rifle than he was with a pistol (the difference of skill between the two weapon being very small). And apparently, I too was a rifle person. All the small ball targets and metal plates were decimated in such a methodical and well-paced manner.. Hahaha, I will confess that I just decided to go wild with the fully automatic setting when I got to the paper target. By this time I had already reached such a level of calm and peace that I just wanted to just go wild and play. So I did. I did a Rambo number on that paper target. Fully automatic fire in succession bursts so that I can still control the gun. Lord, that was intensely fun!!! Hahaha, poor paper man, he will never see the light of day ever again.. And after all of that was done, all the people around me were just clapping and laughing at one seemed like one of the most hilarious rifle shooting session they've seen in a while..

And so, with that rifle being down and with me finishing another 15 - 30 minute break of just catching up some more with old colleagues and friends, ends one of the most peace-inducing and relaxing quick sessions that I've had in a while. We packed up and went back to Makati.

We came, we saw, and we conquered. Though damn, our butts got kicked around going through it, we were able to travel and to climb Mt. Pinatubo. I've got to admit, I am out of shape. Back a few years ago, I would be able to do this with minimal breaks and without a care in for fatigue. But now, I got my body punished. My legs are still sore from the long walks and high steps, albeit faint. I could still feel the heart burn that was brought about by that climb.

But all in all, it was worth it. It was worth the fatigue and the money we paid for. It's an experience that I would recommend to everybody. This kind of challenge should be tried by everybody at least once in their lives.

We started our journey at around 6:30am, Saturday. Met up with a friend of Kuya Tet, somewhere near the Mabalacat Archway, and drove all the way through Tarlac, through the Capas area, and then finally arriving at the Pinatubo Tour HQ. On canvassing for the price, we surprised to find out that the price for the entire tour was quite cheaper than the numbers we had been informed about. We paid Php 3600 for the entire tour, complete with the guide, the rental of the 4 x 4 and the other fees involved. We hopped onto the 4 x 4 and began our trip to the starting point of the hike. It was an hour long ride to the camp annex. And man, we would've been out of our minds had we pushed through with our initial plans of walking the entire thing!! The cheapskates in us were running amok and its a good thing we kept them in check. It was a very scenic drive (a fact which you will see through the pictures in the Pinatubo album). Certain times I would even think to myself, "am I still in the Philippines?"

We arrived at the camp annex about 55 mins earlier than the estimated 1 hour trip. We brought our stuff down and started psyching ourselves up for the 40 minute hike. We put on sunblock and prepared everything we needed to have for the walk. After that, we began the hike.

The first thing that Pinatubo would throw at you as a greeting to the hike, would be a really long and steep pathway downwards to the river and rock paths that you would be traversing through. That particular steep pathway would also be the same one that you would have to take as the last part of your hike. Talk about a long and hard way down and up. I had to really be careful with my steps, considering I was hold the camera for a dominant portion of the hike. One wrong step and I either break the camera, I injure myself, or both. Once down you would have to traverse 40 minutes worth of rocks, streams, steep climbs that would really put stress on your legs, slippery stones. Going towards the crater is the hard part since that direction is an uphill battle. I was fighting fatigue and pain the entire trip, telling myself to go on and finish the darn thing despite being as out of shape as I am (and I go to the gym in this condition already, damn that really means I'm so out of shape). But when reached the crater area, at least the top of it (RJ and our guide went ahead since I got bogged down a bit with slightly annoying chest pains and the stupid human traffic in front of me that started clogging up the pathway), that's when all the fatigue started to fade away. It was such a majestic sight to see. After resting for a few minutes, we traversed yet another steep pathway downwards to the crater grounds, which was very much like a beach area where everybody just sat in the sand, relaxed, swam in the crater. Some even rode boats to tour the other areas of the crater. RJ and I were just happy to sit down, rest, take photos of the place (and ourselves of course). The trip took a toll on the shoes that he was using. The soles were nearly off the shoe body. Its a good thing it still managed to survive the trip back.

After resting and taking pictures at the crater area for an hour, we decided to go on our way back to the camp annex. The steep climbs down that we enjoyed going to the crater would now bite us in the back by being the enemies of our legs since we had to climb them up now. My God! I haven't felt that much strain and pain in my thighs since my Pep Squad and martial arts days. The rest of the way was actually quite fast. The guides were right. Going back to the camp annex would actually be easier and quicker. RJ and I barely noticed the time go by as we made our quick way back to the camp annex. And again the first treacherous steep climb downwards from the parking lot area to the starting point of the hike, would now be the last thing that we'd face in ending our hike. Again, it was a really tiring way up and my legs were already cramping. RJ had gone ahead of me already. Hahaha, one would think that it would've been a sting on my ego that RJ overtook me on a physical challenge. But I'm man enough to admit that, hell dude, I'm out of shape. I haven't hiked anything in ages. My cardio exercises is for shit. And I haven't gone to the gym in a long time because of me being very tired due to my work schedules.

So when we finally got back to the park annex, it was again a 1 hour drive back to the main HQ. We fixed our stuff, got in our own car, and then drove back to Angeles. Extremely tired but satisfied that we did what we said we'd do, climb that damn mountain. Arriving in Angeles, we stopped by at McDonalds since RJ and I were craving for ice cream. Then we went back home to freshen up so that RJ and I can go with Ate Rox, Kuya Tet, and the kids, Ram, Sam and Red, to eat at Zapata's, this really good Mexican restaurant. After Zapata's, we went home to rest a bit then I went to visit my good friend and old boss from the Australian-New Zealand Chamber of Commerce, Claudine, at her place. Spent an hour and 30 minutes or so, just enjoying the company of friends. Then I went back to the house, chatted with Ate Rox for a while with RJ before we met up with a few of RJ's friends for a drinking session.

This morning, we had breakfast that was bought from McDonalds served to us (apparently as part of a sort of family tradition over there). Then we packed up, prepared the car, said our goodbye's and thank yous (well, more so for me since I won't be seeing the kids and Ate Rox in a while). And finally we left for Manila. And thus, the Pampanga relaxation has come to an end.

That pretty much ends the entire stay in Pampanga

Hello from the room of Ram Limjoco, RJ's nephew, here in Pampanga. It's been wonderfully relaxing time over here. We left Manila on the 10th at 6am. We met at McDonalds Alabang then left. Our estimated time of arrival to Ate Roxanne's place (RJ's sister) was at 9am. Through some amazing force called "barely any traffic", we got to her place at Angeles City, Pampanga, at 8am. Actually it would've been a lot earlier, around 7:30am, had we not chosen to stop at Shell, where there was a Cinnabon. RJ had his breakfast and we chose to just pass the time for a while till he got a bit rested and then we continued our drive.

We arrived at the Villa Teresa Subdivision, the area where Ate Roxanne and his family lives, at around 8am. Got lost for quite bit since RJ forgot the streets where we needed to turn to get to her house. But of course we got there eventually, after a couple of drives around the village. Met up with his nephews and niece, and basically just spent the whole day resting. I got beaten by Red, the youngest of Ate Roxanne's kids in a few Wi games and with the UNO cards. Hahaha, damn that kid is smart. Ate Rox decided to take us around the areas, showing us the places where we could go have drink, even took us to the red light district in case we get interested to move on the wild side. For lunch, we ate at this carinderia near the school were she works. I swear, one of the best Pork Sisig I've ever tasted. We went back home and continued our chilling out moments. Jay spent his time surfing the net while I read and eventually took a nap till dinner.

After dinner, Jay and I decided to drive around. We stopped by this place called Booze, which is located at this building establishment that would remind you of a combination of Greenbelt and Rockwell, only smaller. Didn't spend much time there since there really weren't many people around. We decided to look for more places to hang out. We went through the Red Light District in Fields Avenue, just for the pure heck of sight seeing. Hahahaha, "Hey Joe, you want good time?!", were just some of the stuff we kept saying in the car as we passed the myriads of foreigners and their "exotic" looking ladies. We diverted towards this one fork in the road, thinking that it was a one way street. And man, what a view we got. All of the Red Light ladies, in frigging hordes standing outside their establishments. My, I have never seen a more blatant display of carnal wares. Hahaha, what a term.. Anyway, driving along, we were wondering why the hell they were so many just standing out there, aside from the regular types that you would normally see standing on the streets, waiting to be picked up. The answer presented itself before us in the form of parked PNP Police carrier van.. A raid was happening at one of the establishments! Thank the fates that we weren't particularly whacked out or even in the slightest mood to get ourselves into that kind of sticky mess. Driving around, we just decided to go to the casino.

As usual, I was just standing there watching RJ play (like I always do whenever I'm with the boys at the casino). I've never understand the intricacies of the casino card games. I always just hang out behind them as the play. But after so long of just watching them play, and after finally understanding certain fundamentals of cards through Uly playing Blackjack, I finally understood how to play Super 6, at least the basics of the values of the cards. Hahaha, that still didn't get me to play but to have finally understood it after so long of watching was such an eye opening experience. After an hour of RJ playing, we left and went on our way back to the house, stopping at this Korean owned convenience store to get cigarettes. We chilled for a little outside at the patio, talking and smoking, then went back inside. RJ went on playing PS2, going through with God of War II, while changed, did my usual internet routine, went down for a while to smoke and read, and came back up again. We slept at around 1am.

Friday started at lunch time for us. After lunch, RJ continued to play God of War II while I had to finish a few requirements for work that had to be emailed so that my relaxation could continue. Talk to a few friends at YM, and surfed a walkthrough for God of War II while I was finishing my work. By late afternoon, I took my bath in preparation for me, RJ and Ate Rox to again go around Angeles. Continued to get to the kids, Ram, Sam (She's a girl), and Red, while I was waiting for RJ. I gotta say, these kids are nice to have around. They all have their specific perks and querks. Take Sam for example, she is such a very skilled artist. She showed me and RJ some of the sketches that she did, and man were they good, still a little rough on the skill range, but she doesn't really need that much development. She really is darn good. I lent her my book of David Gemmel, Troy, to see how she'd do the cover art. She amazed me right there with how she did the black and white art. Her command of the shades and the strokes was just unbelievable for a girl of 16. Its no wonder she's taking fine arts. Red is the youngest, a very inquisitive kid and quite sociable. And like any good who's into playing all sorts of games, he could beat the crap out of me. Ram is quiet but knowledgable in a lot of trivia stuff.

So right now, after dinner and all, we're just waiting for Ate Rox to finish preparing so we can go out. RJ is again playing God of War II, while here I am, updating you all on how everything's going. We'll hopefully be able to climb Pinatubo as planned tomorrow morning. Damn thing is more expensive than we thought, around 5k for the entire climb, rental of a 4x4, other fees. I would really love to tackle that mountain. I haven't done any hiking and trekking in a long time. And this is the first time I'll be tackling something of this nature. In any case, that's about it for now. Will update you all tom. Not to worry, there will be pictures of this trip, regardless of whether we climb tom or not, but again, hopefully, we climb!!

See you all when I get back.

My prayers go out to the peaceful rest of this kid's soul, to his family and friends.. I just happened to open my multiply today and this news pops out from my friend Trixie's site. I decided to search around for it, typed up this kid's name on the search engine and on multiply. Various sites came out, and I was quite taken aback when I saw this kid's picture. I'm very bad with names but faces remain clear with me. And his face was a really familiar. And again as I flicked through another multiply account that had a blog entry describing him, I had my heart sort of broken a bit.. I knew him.. He was a Pep boy.. I still got to touch base with this kid, and his batch, still got to share a drum beater and a cheer with him, probably even shared some stories and laughs.. It's really such a big loss.. Rest in peace, kid. You've got nothing to worry about anymore.

Today I attended the mass at La Salle Greenhills, held in support for the ZTE star witness Jun Lozada, with my mom, dad and my 2nd brother, Didu. We had left the house at around 7am. Got there at around 8am and watched as the number of people increased until the gym was full. A crowd attended by a variety of people filled the LSGH gym, from civil society groups, the members of various religious orders (a huge "phalanx" of nuns, the La Salle Brothers, etc.), members of the business communities and the private sector, political officials both serving in the current administration and former public servants (Former president Corazon Aquino, Former Speaker Jose De Venecia and son, Former Senate President Franklin Drilon, Former Senator Leticia Shahani who sat behind us and happily bonded with my mom and dad, my godfather Rafael Alunan, whom my father and I failed to see but my mother spotted to name a few). It did feel a little awkward at times when my brother and I would be left to guard our parents' seats, considering that they would constantly go all over the place to greet the various friends and colleagues that they know from each of these different sectors. Makes me wonder how long will it take me to garner as the same number, or at least close to it, of social capital that both my parents possess, and also the quality of that capital.

Drifted off there. Moving forward..

I haven't attended mass in a long time. The last time I did was back during the Christmas season when RJ, Uly and myself had to attend the mass at St. James. We were sort of "ambush requested" by RJ's mom to go to mass before going on our gathering at Makati. My friends and I share similar views with regards to professing inner faith instead of just a 1 hour routinary show of good behavior and reverence. I personally have ideological differences with how religion tends to dominate and dictate directions of living by placing doctrine after doctrine, penalty after penalty for human actions and behavior, rather than inspiring such good behavior and discpline from within. I got annoyed when I hear useless rants and raves and preaching from the priest, sermons with no direction or with a distorted purpose, and I could go on and on. Let's just say that I decided to remain respectfully quiet and not attend something that I do not have my whole heart's support on. I believe in a higher power. I believe in a being beyond this world that somehow shaped the face of the environment we live in, but I would rather not box it in any name or religion or under any doctrine, thus limit its capabilities and influence.

Again after drifting off the topic to explain something, let me go back. I've not attended mass in a long time. This first time of attending was, I must say, a worthwhile experience. Not because of any religious influence or grand epiphany or any divine intervention. It was worthwhile because of the deep social relevance that it was being celebrated for. It was worth the routinary standing and sitting and responding and praying and singing because of the interconnection of all the people present.

Day after day after day of hearing nothing but bad news, of hearing nothing but lies and cover-ups, of divisions, of graft and corruption, of killings and robberies, in this one morning, I saw and felt, unity. Under the roof of that gym, I saw and felt people of various walks of life from various sectors of society, just throw away the lines that clearly divide each of them, and come together to support a good man, a man who had the courage to just stand up to all of the farce, to all the deception and the coercion and just speak out the truth.

That kind of intense feeling burns deep in you when you experience it first hand. Even more when you see that everybody around you responds to it, accepts it and allows it to make them free. That's how I felt the entire time, and even more so, near the tail end of the celebration, when they played "Bayan Ko", and I saw the entire gym, myself included, raise our right fists up the air, as we sang that song, all the while feeling a chill down my spine as I heard every single one in the gym (well maybe not the younger generation who did not reach or have the opportunity to appreciate the song) sing with their hearts, sing with all passion.

I have seen many calls for change in this country. I too have taken let that call flow out of my mind, heart and mouth before. I wrote before that it does require a revolution to start change in this country. But it is not the revolution that a lot may mistake it to be. The Philippine society, not just the government and our leaders, but all of us, from the bottom all the way up, need to do a major examination of ourselves, and undertake the painful task of removing/changing all the deeply entrenched nuances and behaviors that we possess that cause our nation to deteriorate. These problems go way beyond the issue of corrupt officials. We can remove each and every one of these named perpetrators, remove every one in the current bureaucracy, even change the platform and type of our government. But if the behaviors, the nuances and the dysfunctional and distorted beliefs and ideals remain the same, then all those changes won't mean anything. It's just the same cycle all over again, with a new face plastered over the old one. SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT COLOR.

Change has to start somewhere. And if it isn't apparent to the higher-ups, who somehow still continue to delude themselves into thinking that everything is peachy-keen, that everything is just fine and dandy, well let another concerned Filipino citizen add to that call. WAKE THE FUCK UP, IDIOTS!! Your shit has hit the fan and we all know its you guys. Everything's over but the shouting. We're all tired of the charade that all of you continue to put before us. We just want to go on with our lives, working hard to earn our keep, paying our dues without having to worry so much about our lives getting fucked over.

Wrapping things up, today was one of those days when people just put their differences aside, and stood up for a moral absolute. Today, regardless of certain political differences and apparent social divisions, I saw people in that gym come together to stand up for an obvious good. I was proud to be in that crowd.

Leech Out and Touch Someone
Ariel Dashell Aaron T. Lopez

On November 18, 2006, the country witnessed Manny Pacquiao, now it’s most prized athlete, dominate then decimate Erik “El Terrible” Morales, the Mexican boxing hero. The epic trilogy of these two greats culminated with Pacquiao proving that he is as people say, one of the best, if not (arguably) the best pound-for-pound boxer in the world. His victory left the country ecstatic with pride. I personally respect this man’s skill and tenacity. He truly is one of the nation’s greatest athletes.

Pacquiao certainly earned a lot of money from his matches with Morales. I do not remember the exact figures. I’d have to guess that the figures are above several million dollars. He is a rich man. And he does deserve his riches, having earned it literally with blood, sweat and tears. Yet there is an element in his victories that leaves me with a deep-seated disappointment. In the interviews of his relatives and friends in local television networks, congratulatory messages were followed by the statement, “May balato na naman kami!”

After hearing that from one of Pacquiao’s relatives, I felt very sad for the boxer, and definitely irritated at the relative. That moment I saw a blatant display of how people can become parasites, leeches upon their brothers and sisters. Here is a man who took the hard path to make a living, to survive and provide for himself and his family. Here is a man who puts his body on the line, not only to fulfill a dream, but also to provide the best for his family. What is disappointing in this picture is that this man’s generosity and good-heartedness is definitely being taken advantage of by those around him. “May balato na naman kami”, that statement tells a lot about the priorities that some people seem to have for themselves. Manny matters because of the money.

Sadly, this parasitic behavior is a cold hard fact of the Philippine picture, seen more often and asked for more stridently among the masses (but equally seen in high society, and often with more dire national consequences!). I’m sure all of us have witnessed the phenomenon at one time or another. Take for example, the magic powers of the lottery. Imagine how a few million pesos or so can suddenly cause a multiplication of relatives. Imagine these so-called long lost relatives, whom you had no prior knowledge of, asking for “small shares” of your winnings, their “balato” from your largesse. Even friends and acquaintances multiply, these people hoping as well to get a share of the money, as a sign of your friendship.

It is a truly disappointing sight to see. Parasites expect other people to do all the hard work while they wait for the wealth to be showered on them. It is no wonder that the Philippines still has that many people living in poverty. I’ve often observed members of this large group constantly complaining about how life is hard for them and how they toil about trying to scratch a living. Their tirades are all done, ironically, while they lounge about, drinking beer and gambling (with cards, dice, basketball, spider fights, name it) with what little precious cash they have. I’ve heard them constantly complain about the rich and middle class, how they have it all, how they have it easy. They expect that the prosperous help them off the ground by sharing the wealth. If they don’t get the assistance they want, they whine, complain, and even riot, instead of being working. While I do not doubt that the masses do work hard to survive, for I have seen worthy examples of such unfortunate yet great people, a lot of their kin spend more time whining and waiting for divine intervention to help them off the ground, waiting for somebody to pick them up and give them money. Take a look at the huge crowds, the “hakots” that seem to appear on the rallies that we’ve seen over the past couple of months. All it takes to get these people together is a few thousands of pesos (Payment to each member which would only account for a few days worth of foods and other basic needs for these people), and free food and drink for that day. And then after a few days of bliss, these people are back to complaining and waiting for the next rich person to hand them money.

Before anyone thinks that this piece is in defense of the upper class, let me also say that even the rich and powerful are very much guilty of this behavior as well. We see them everyday: corporate moguls hitching a ride to the top through the favors of some political figure; small-time bureaucrats making themselves rich through the reputations and powers of their respective offices; or even the simple mention of being a good friend or relative of some powerful figure just to get away from being listed down with a traffic infraction.

Society seems to have forgotten that most basic law of economics. Everything has a trade-off. If one wants something, one must be willing to give something in exchange, something that is of equitable value to that desire. Wealth, in any form, is earned, not given, for even those who belong to the “old rich”, for those who pass down their wealth; they too have worked hard to attain them. It is gained through hard work. One constantly toils for it, gets one’s self dirty for it. Whining and crying will not get you bags of gold or respect. One must be willing to face hardships, to take risks, to make decisions, to take the opportunities that have been given, or even at times, to make those opportunities happen, if one is to get to the top. Simply put, it’s time to stop being lazy.

To quote a line from the movie, The American President, “We have serious problems and we need serious people”. We need change and we need serious people who will not only initiate change but who will also see it through after it has been started. All of us are more than capable of improving our conditions, of rising to the top. We have the resources all around us. The only thing we need is the heart, the dedication and the discipline to surge through new horizons. It’s all about having the chutzpah to make a dream a reality, no matter how hard the path is

In closing, I leave you all with something to ponder on. It’s something I picked up from a WWE promo that I think accurately fits the topic at hand.

“We don’t cheer the timid, the meek, those content with their 15 minutes of fame. We applaud the dreamers, the adventurers, those who dare to soar above horizons. For only those bold enough to chase dreams, are the ones who catch them”.

Another article that I wrote for Linkages, though I don't know if this one got published since my mom informed me about the deadline a little bit later. I must've written this back in late 2006, or early 2007.

“A Vampire’s Kiss”
A Look at the Call Centre Industry
Ariel Dashell Aaron T. Lopez

A vampire’s kiss is said to be hypnotic, alluring, but deadly. The sweetness of its bliss is cover for its fatal direction, a slow taker of life, undetected until the very last moment, when it has drained its victim to the point of death, after which it becomes a choice between the final exit of death, or the metamorphosis into a vampire.

In a lot of ways, that is how I would describe my time in the call centre industry. I knew of the stress. I knew of the sacrifices that needed to be made to be in that business. But I too, was taken by the hypnotic gesture of its kiss, forgetting the weight of the choices that I would be making to stay in its sweetness. It has been almost a year since I tasted its kiss, almost a year since I chose death so to speak, and moved out of the business. I learned much from being in it as well as from leaving it. I share now what I have learned to all who would like to know of the life of a call centre associate. And so we begin.

“Thank you for calling HSBC Card Services. My name is Ari. How can I help you today?” It’s been almost a year since I last said that spiel. That, and a whole bunch of other spiels, was the package deal of scripts that I had to deliver when I was still part of the call centre industry. That was my first taste of the working life right after college graduation. I had initially wanted to take a few months or so to rest myself after a rigorous final term. During that time I was pondering about taking a Master’s Degree, or taking some scholarship abroad to further my skills, knowing that it would be quite a task finding a decent job that would not only satisfy my basic needs, but also my wants for comfort and enjoyment. Yes, that is a task indeed, especially for a fresh graduate with no formal work experience. Comfort and enjoyment has quite a price to it, especially if you are the type of person who likes to go out with friends, enjoy new things, and of course, have a special someone to pamper and pleasure. I, fortunately (or unfortunately as other people may see it), am all of those. So I had to pay the price. I started looking for a job, a few days into my much deserved break.

It was quite an ironic turn of events that I ended up spending almost a year in the call centre industry when early on I had chosen to stay clear of it. One of my older brothers had already spent time there and I really didn’t want to have to deal with the kind of stress that he had dealt with. But I really didn’t have much of a choice. It was the most prolific job offering that a fresh graduate could easily get into, and all you primarily needed were good English speaking skills and problem solving skills. I recall my mother telling me that I should try the job since I stayed up till the wee hours of the morning almost every time anyway. So I decided to bite the bullet, stuff my thoughts about the job on the shelf, and applied for it. I went through all the various proficiency tests and interviews. After which, I found myself standing in front of the doorsteps of the HSBC Electronic Data Processing Philippines, Inc. Little did I know, that I was about to have the ride of my life once I entered those doors.

My first 2-4 months in the company was spent in training and development, which was a mix of classroom and practicum work. The classroom time made you feel like you never stepped out of college. The practicum portion of the process gave you a much more serious perspective of the business. All in all, it was quite fun, studying all of the specifics regarding the business, and getting paid for it at the same time. I met a lot great people that up to this day I still keep in contact with even though we continue to live in different worlds, so to speak. The learning process was very challenging yet enjoyable.

I had thought that since I had so much fun during the training process, that the job wouldn’t be so difficult. I had done quite well in both the classroom and also in the practical work that I was pretty confident in handling the responsibilities that were to be given to me. I had nothing but good reviews from my trainers and also from my various colleagues. Some of these reviews even mentioned that I was to be slated for a team leader’s job or higher, once I had finished the six months probation period. So I did have very high spirits during my first “official” day at work. That was to change in the weeks and months to come.

The work load became tougher than I had initially thought. I had to service various accounts, answer all sorts of questions, and at the same time sell one of the credit card services to my clients. All of those needed to be done in 4 minutes and 50 seconds or less. I had to reach a quota every day so as to even pass my performance grade. If I didn’t maintain those levels, I would be pinned down with a corrective action penalty, thus hampering my chances at a promotion and better benefits. If I had irate callers, I had to maintain a maximum level of tolerance at all times. I couldn’t lose my temper even if the comments were already below the belt. Some of these callers would fight you only because they didn’t want to pay a penalty fee that they had incurred. Some of them won’t do business with you simply because you weren’t of the same race. I had to bottle up a lot of stress just to maintain a professional behavior and get through the day.

The schedule was also tough. My life was turned upside-down. I went to work at 1:00AM, sometimes 3:00AM. During work hours, I was a machine. I was only allowed an hour lunch break that was sandwiched in between two 15 minute breaks. I couldn’t go to the toilet as I pleased, couldn’t go down to the café for a drink or a quick meal or even smoke if I wanted to (And the most cigarettes that I ever had was not in my college days, but during my time here, all due to stress). After all of that, I would go home either at 10:00 AM or 12:00 noon. I would come home to an empty house (my family would be at their own offices), eat my “dinner” then prepare for bed. Of course, that is if you could get yourself to sleep under the afternoon heat and glare of the sun. There were also times that I would go to work a good 4 or 5 hours ahead just to catch some sleep because I had to go out and see my girlfriend or had other responsibilities to take care of at home.

I also had to deal with tough internal politics as well as a lot of bad seeds in the company. I’ve had to work with incompetent teammates, other workmates who were more than willing to step on you to get to the top, and bosses who had very poor management and leadership skills.

I stuck it out for almost a year until sheer stress caused me to have an accident, a near fatal one. That was the final nail in the coffin. I had to make a decision. I was burned out and needed change badly. I applied for a promotion to team leader where I was stationed. If that failed, my second option was a lateral transfer to another department. Both of these, unfortunately, fell through the cracks. Finally, I decided to move out.

The call centre industry is not as easy as a lot of people might think. It’s got the everyday stress of any day job, but doubled, even tripled because of the time difference. The workload, though simple as it may seem, is very much taxing. It takes a lot of sacrifice for a person to be in it. It’s quite easy to get in to the business. But one must want it badly. One must be willing to make drastic changes in order to remain in that industry. Definitely there is money to be made in this line of work. But there will be times when one will wonder, is the money being paid worth the toll on your body, on your mind, on your well-being?

I respect the business and what it brings to the table in terms of economic development and how it develops people into proper working individuals. I have respect for the people in this business. I respect their tenacity, their dedication to sticking to a hard life. I respect the people who have furthered themselves in this line of work, who have stuck with this business all throughout the years and have gotten to the top, a work that is considered by many to be a dead-end job. Will it be a job that I would suggest to fresh college graduates? My initial response would be “no”. But then, the economic situation in our country doesn’t leave anybody much choice for picking jobs. So my new response would be “Yes, try it out.” It’s a good start for somebody who wants to work fresh out of college. It gives people the necessary tools to survive in the working world. It pays reasonably enough. And it is good place to meet new people and expand your social circles. It’s a respectable business but a hard one to stay in.

All of that encompasses this particular vampire’s kiss. Its lure (money, experience, new friends) is strong. Its sweetness is highly hypnotic. But to the unprepared, it is deadly. To the people who are not ready to make the choice of change, to make the choice to become one with this vampire, it is not a life that should be chosen.

I was cleaning my room of some old papers and documents and I happen to stumble upon a copy of Linkages, a magazine publication of sorts for the San Lorenzo Village in Makati. It was their issue in October 2006. I actually forgot why I had this for about a few minutes until I remembered that my mom asked me to write something for this publication. So out of want to share my first published work to all, and for the fact that I am again stumped for a story to tell, I will post that document here. Hope you don't mind the long read. Then again, more often than not, I have long posts, so you should be used to it by now. Hahaha.

Overhaul: A Call For Change of The Philippine Society
Ariel Dashell Aaron Tapang Lopez (Yes, that is my full name to those who don't know)

One can say that the Philippines is one of the most battle-scarred nations that exist in this world. Over the years the Filipino people have witnessed a variety of changes in its economy and in its society, some satisfying and reassuring, others turbulent and nerve-wracking. There was once a time, in which other South East Asian countries looked to the Philippines as an example of an economic success taking shape, as an example of the success of democracy and capitalism. But looking at the country today, it seems as if the positive outlook towards the Philippines may have been a premature gesture. The years in which the Philippines was once called a "tiger-cub" in the economic playing field, now seems to be far behind. One may even call the Philippine situation to be bleak and hopeless. But of course, as constantly proven by history, anything is possible. The only thing constant in this world is change.

A wise man once mentioned that a warrior, backed into a corner, is more dangerous than one that is on the run. For the warrior, who has no place else to run, is unpredictable. A person on the run is distracted and can easily be dealt with. A person that is backed into a corner will have one thing on his mind. And that thought will make him do extraordinary things. It is the idea of survival, of freedom.

The Philippines is indeed being backed into a corner, if not already in one. Political instability prevents the country from being seen as one cohesive force, driving to the direction of success. The country's lawmakers seem to be more concerned with gaining political grounds and points, rather than actually getting something done. There's no denying that these politicians do accomplish some things, an infrastructure project here, an education improvement program there. But unfortunately, the political mistakes that they make, overshadow what they achieve. Poor execution of laws and policies, the incessant problem of graft and corruption, and a focus on shifting political alliances rather than accomplishing goals for society, are just some of the problems that plague the system.

The economic scene fairs as much as the political one, which isn't really saying much. Though the country may be experiencing positive things like an increasing GDP figure, and an increase of jobs due to the strong influx of the call center and business process outsourcing industries, this is by no means a statement that the economic problems have been solved. Problems of tax collection, restrictive economic policies for both foreign and domestic businesses, an existence of an economic system easily manipulated by politics and corruption, continues to plague the country up till now.

Politics and economics have always walked down the path together. A change in one obviously will affect the other. And as we can see with the Philippine example, an unstable environment will definitely have negative results on the economy. It has taken some time for foreign investors to again place their bets in the Philippine financial territory due to all the various events that have taken place over the past few years. One need only mention EDSA II, The Oakwood Mutiny, the constant struggle between the government and the various insurgency groups (MILF, CPP-NPA), and the myriad of political "scandals" like President Arroyo's "Hello Garci" fiasco, to make investors think twice about placing their money under the care of the Philippines. The Filipino people continue to live the hard life. And it seems that there is no end in sight for that life.

Indeed the Philippines is backed into a corner. And of course as always, it is the people's choice whether it chooses to be subdued and ruined in that corner, or whether it focuses all its energy and faces its demons, faces its adversaries so as to get out of the corner and gain freedom. It is clear that for the country to be able to see the light again, for the Philippines to be able to climb out of the hole it has dug itself in, it must undergo changes. It must, like a caterpillar before it turns into a butterfly, wrap itself in a cocoon of reflection, so that it can see its problems and deal with them. Change is always a difficult task to undertake, especially when one is trying to change deeply-rooted ideas and behaviors. The Filipino people will have their work cut out for them. It is as much a change in the individual as it is a change for the system. The necessary tasks are almost always the hardest ones to accomplish. But as a phoenix undergoes death through the flame, only to be reborn to a new being full of life, the Philippines and the Filipino people must undertake that hardest task of change, the painful action of looking at one's self to see our flaws, the cracks, the weaknesses, and fix them.

It is now up to the warrior inside every Filipino. It is now up to that warrior spirit that has carried this nation through countless years of suffering, and after all that, to still remain standing. Will that warrior take up the sword, or will he lay down and wait for the escape of the final slash?

Author's note (Naks, may author title na ngayon): This article is slightly edited from the original posted page article to fit grammar glitches.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed your reading of this slightly serious article.

It's been a long time since I've written anything online. Blame that on a combination of laziness, lack of creative juices or the lack of anything to say, and my ever constantly busy schedule for work. There have been times when I do have some time left to me after a barrage of work. But I just end up using it to play PC games, surf the net, look into my various social networking accounts, or just stare mindlessly at the screen for lack of anything better to do.

2007 is ending, 2008 is approaching in 2-3 days. Time does fly very fast. Often times, I never noticed the days go by. My moments of sleep during the waiting period for the sun to rise was another break from what I saw as just a really really long day (It was the work schedule that made me think that way, considering I'd still be working at home). Even during the Christmas break, my mind was still hankering about work, about the things that needed to be done for the start of next year. Hahaha, I guess that's what happens when you really put everything into your work when you don't have much to distract you from it, or rather something constant to take you away from it.

Thankfully, I still manage to get together with my various circle of friends. Though we may not be complete most of the time, and though our schedules would find us often at odds of seeing each other, time does allow us leeways every now and then to get together and just detoxify, let all the work stress bleed away from us, and just be carefree, enjoying the many new stories, new developments in each of our lives, enjoying the comfort and relaxation that a company of good friends bring in that sometimes even a long rejuvenating sleep can't bring to the table. Those times would be spent in various places: at one of our houses, at Bonifacio High Street or Serendra, at Bistro 110 or Greenbelt, Station 168 playing Company of Heroes, pretty much anywhere that our feet or our wild brains would take us. It didn't really matter where we were and what we were doing. Cheesy as it sounds, it was just the fact that we were together after so long that mattered to us. Not one of us would miss a beat when we would crack our jokes or any of our slapstick acts, even if we go about living our own hectic lives with a long hiatus of not being together. I've always been a social creature, getting enjoyment from meeting new people, constantly in connection with those souls that matter to me or just being able to leave something worthwhile, my personal mark on somebody new. But of course, even if I do crave for company, I've also been known to enjoy myself, my time alone, without the need for anybody to be there. My times of solitude are spent at the gym, focused on my workouts and the improvement of my body, at home, reading my books, watching my DVD collections, at the mall by myself, just walking around, or at the book shop. My bookshop of choice, FULLY BOOKED: BONIFACIO HIGH STREET baby!! 4 - 5 floors of books, comics, videos, and music. Definitely one of my favorite places to be alone. I've seen myself in there for hours on end, with a variety of books with me just reading away. I've done it while waiting for friends to arrive, waiting for a business contact to arrive for a meeting, or when I simply just want to detoxify as well. Had this world made me filthy rich, I would've probably gotten a flat in one of the residential buildings nearby so that I could just walk to that place whenever I wanted to. Oh well, I guess spending for public transportation from my lovely family home here at Las Pinas to Makati will have to do for now.

This Christmas break has brought about some changes too. The annex house is nearly complete, probably around 90% or so. My mom's been cleaning around the house a lot (Her way of relaxation). And that cleaning spree has brought about the revamp of my room. She's removed a lot of her stash from my room and pretty much left it all for my use. Finally, full utilization of the space of my relatively medium to large sized room.

Speaking of changes, or rather in this case, additions, I got more clothes and accessories. I bought myself a new pair of jeans and two new shorts which I could use for the gym as well as more socks, underwear, another Folded and Hung shirt, as well as an Oxygen white polo. The owner of Bobson Jeans, Victor Tan, a stalwart supporter of the organization I work for and a constant companion of the entire team, gave us clothes as Christmas gifts too. So add another pair of jeans to my wardrobe, though I do have to get that altered a little bit since the cut of the width of the legs remind me of elephant pants. My lovely girls from PCE, Kitchie and Myra got me a new lighter, a blow-torch type in casing that reminds you of a Zippo. Thanks girls, I love you both immensely, and no its not just for the lighter.

I finally got new shoes, courtesy of course of my parents. My poor white rubber shoes have gone through hell over the past 1 - 2 years of constant use. And though its still intact and useable, it's only a matter of time before it completely collapses on me. So just like before when my parents got me two pairs of Rockport shoes when I needed to get new leather shoes, they got me two pairs of rubber shoes too. I chose a pair of Sketchers black slip-on rubbers that is similar to my Rockport slip-ons which I could use for my night-out wear or in any casual day-to-day affair, and a pair of hardy waterproof Merrel shoes, which would be often used for the gym, or any "heavy-duty affair". My mom's friend also gave the sons Pierre Cardin roller bags. And as a final gift to myself, and which pretty much eliminated all of my salary and 13th month pay after all the spending for the gifts of people and the ever present bill requirements for the house, I bought myself and a iTrip radio wave signal car adapter for the old, battered, constantly sick and hanging, yet still useful iPOD photo that I have. I was looking for the car adaptor that you just have to plug in the lighter and then plug the other end to the earphone jack so that i wouldn't have to deal with radio signal interferences but they didn't have any so I got that instead. I do have to get the iPOD checked. It keeps on hanging and I do find embarassing and quite a hassle for me to always go to the Power Mac store and have them reset it (I try to do the reset thing and it just doesnt work for me. Damn thing responds to the hands of the technicians)..

The Wi-Fi system at home has finally been fixed and configured. My thanks to friend and student of my eldest brother Jing Eustacio for finally getting that up and running. Now the only thing left for me to do is find my dad's wireless card and attach it to my chop-top so that now I can finally surf the net in the peaceful and private environment of my room. Yeah I still work with the chop-top. The purchase of my Power PC has been delayed because of the construction work for the annex house. My dad will of course set aside the money for that piece of equipment after yet another business trip since he sees that I have been heavily working with multimedia work and that the current hardware at my disposal at home and in the office isn't enough to make me do my job well. My mom finds it expensive and unnecessary. Well, that's why I'm the technical expert when it comes to these things and she's not. I know that powerful hardware entails a high cost. And with the amount of work I've been doing in multimedia projects, you bet your ass its necessary. My mom is a thrifty creature and I will always credit her for being an extremely excellent mind especially in finances. But sometimes the thrift creature in her goes a little off course and it has to be reminded that good quality equipment entails a price to be paid, and those things are sometimes necessary to be given out, especially when one needs to get the job done, not only right, but in near excellent or absolutely excellent standards.

All the guys are out right now, with their families, out of town, in other social gatherings for work or other circles, hence the reason I'm stuck at home instead of being out somewhere. I do hope we get to see each other after the New Year's Eve celebrations. My friends RJ and Iggy, and I did that at the start of last year. After the New Year's eve celebration, I met up with Iggy and we hung out at RJ's house, just talking away till 7:00am the next day. Then during the day of January 1st, Uly shows up at my house and hangs out. He was supposed to have joined us, but ended up asleep. I do hope for it to push through and have more people.

I was supposed to end this particular entry with my usual bullet point random thoughts. But I think I've said everything that's been in my head for a while that's worth telling. And I do notice that this is a rather long entry as it is. Then again, for those of you who read my stuff, or those that know me intimately, you know that when I write stuff like this, it ends up to be pretty long and descriptive. Hahaha, its pretty much in resemblance to my talking patterns, chatty and descriptive, a storyteller who's not afraid to bare all.

In any case, I hope you've enjoyed another journey into this man's psyche. My love and appreciation goes out to all of you that have continued to share this life and this world with me. To friends and loved ones, both new and old, I bid thee farewell for now. And see you all when the pyrotechnics and beautiful lights start to bring in the year 2008!!