this pain is just an illusion. 

 scroll down.

thanks to miss abigail de leon for the lay out. 

badasspaul

well if i aint drunk last night i wouldnt have noticed that. hahahaha.

 that crazy half hearted beeyotch.

i dont want to keep on saying i dont care, because even if i dont, i still do get offended sometimes. 

oh my god. if she only knows what im talking about. hahahaha.

my initial reaction when i saw that was, "whaaaat?! who the fuck. oh god. kalimutan mo na lang ako." hahahahahahaha. placing my name near his sends shivers down my spine. thats some scary shit right there. haha.

anyway... im starting to see why this is all happening. haha.

thank You, Lord  

badasspaul

omfg! im so fucking burned. hahaha. my skin is all red and stuff. well, who cares. atleast i got some sunshine. hahaha.

anyway. this certain person is texting me random stuff.... i bet she doesnt know whats going on in my head. she's too much of an assumption person than a "maybe i'll try to think like him" person. stupid stupid stupid.

too much of yourself will prolly kill you. thats why i try my best to be around people. but this time around i choose the people i want to be around. i dont want to be around backstabbing, plastic faced people. i just want to be around people who'll tell stuff to my face. i want people who'll say "you are fucking stupid man" and wont be too pissed off to leave my side. you know? those are true friends. not unlike some *ehem ehem* ok, i'll stop right there. hahaha.

oh and yeah, i kinda made my previous blogs public on purpose. i mean... there are more stuff to hide than those. hahaha. and to monica nicole, no, im not afraid of my enemies. kasi i know enemies ko yung people i used to, you know... hahaha. actually i dont really consider them enemies. haha.

pero isa lang masasabi ko. ANG PPLASTIC NIYO. hahaha. mag tanong kasi kayo, para sagutin ko kayo ng maayos. hahaha.

anyway, taena, sayang nag something fishy daw yung mga kabarkada ko kahapon. that sucks, di ako kasama. pffffffffffft. pero ok lang, next saturday, bords. haha.

oh pero im still pissed at this random person. haha. wala lang, i just feel like being pissed. how can i be not pissed at a person acting all clean and stuff? i mean. hey! beep beep! look in the mirror before you judge someone, right? as if you dont have skeletons in your closet. its as if you're all "little miss perfect". well, fuck off. you aint.

ANGER MANAGEMENT. hahaha.

IM NOT A SAINT. And YOURE NOT ONE EITHER. SO DEAL WITH IT.

anywaaaaay. let me just remind the people of the galaxy, that if you've got something to ask me or tell me. TELL ME! DONT FUCKING PLAY HIDE AND SEEK WITH ME! I AINT NO FUCKING PSYCHIC, YOU KNOW. god damn it. hahaha.

oi borja! we should make like the top 10 bad grammar people awards. hahaha. pota, mukhang sa sinabi ko kasali na ako agad dun ah. haha. sarry!!!!

sarap pala ng may signal ulit. haha. pag labas ng batangas, nagtext agad si panchit. ininggit ako. darn it. nag swimming naman ako sila hindeeee. bwahahahaha. pero infairness, masaya din ang walang signal. haha. may challenge kasi maghanap ng signal eh. HAHAHA. 

hmmm. anyway. sige, im out muna. later ulit kapag may random angry moments nanaman. hahaha.

p.s. wala akong kinagagalitan. promise. seryowso. nde, totoo talaga. haha  

badasspaul

    so i wake up feeling all messed up all of a sudden. or i dunno.... something like it. things have been pretty good recently. thanks to ishka ofcourse, but there are still some stuff that bother me.

    you know the feeling when you've almost got all you want. well i almost do... like.. nah, not almost. i mean, close to it. i finally got to know that person. she's been very kind and all that. i didnt actually think she'd be that much of a person, even more. but then again, having met her brought me to an even more confusing life. i mean... i know im truly geniunely happy to have met her, like really really happy. and i keep saying to my self that i'm contented with that. but thats the problem, with meeting those people who you only dreamed about. its the tendency to keep on wanting more, even though you know that you cant. its been only a week or two since i met her. i know its a little to fast, but wow. she really has that effect on me. you know, the one that you just cant get off your mind. she's been all that. she's been... i dont even know what to say.

    its true that when you finally get something you really really really want, its hard to accept that you'll have something really really important to lose. atleast thats what i think right now. i mean, i know she doesnt take me for anything more than a friend. and i see her as that also. its not like im crazily inlove with the person. maybe just kinda infatuated. or something like that. i mean, there's a lot more to know about her. its just the fact that, wow, couldnt she atleast give me a chance this early. i know its going to be a no. but, hell.... i dont know what to do to, you know.... be able to have that chance. i dont know how im going to get to the level where i have a chance at something more than what i wanted. i know its greedy... but i think a broken heart should be allowed to be greedy every once in a while. right?

   i have no idea how im going to get there. but im not fast to give up either... one way or another i'll find a way. i know some of my friends will be there to help... but i just know im going to beat the buzzer again.

   having thought of that didnt make me feel better. and i dont know why. i mean, when optimism comes knocking, i immediately feel better. but this time, its like it peeked through the window and left. i dont know. i just have the thought about beating the buzzer. you may get the shot off in time, but you have a 20% chance of making the basket. maybe thats whats bugging me. not all buzzer beaters go in.

 
    NOT ALL BUZZER BEATERS GO IN, PAUL. not all.
 

badasspaul

wala lang. hahahaha. tanga tanga.

putang ina... haha. yeah.

galing niyo mga tanga.

im off to the party in 3 minutes. hahaha. babayoooo. 

badasspaul

THE HURT SURVEY let's see if
your tough enough to get through it.
If not, you're too scared about the
truth.

1. Would you kiss the last person you
kissed?
why not. pero magddlawang isip na siguro.

2. Have you told anyone you'd marry
them?
yeah and its the stupidest thing to say.

3. Have you ever liked someone so much
that it hurts?
OH YEAH.

4. Have you ever made a b/f g/f cry?
uh-huh.

5. Are you single or in a relationship?
SINGLE and a can of whoop ass please.

6. Have you ever told someone you
loved them and didn't mean it?
not that i remember.

7. Have you ever had your heart
broken?
yeah

8. Have you ever broken someone
else's heart?
i think

9. Talk to any of your exs?
yeah. monica's like my sister. haha.

10. Last time you kissed someone?
i dunno. a couple weeks ago.

11. If you could go back in time and
change things, would you?
yep.

12. Do you think your a good bf/gf?
i think i was. i tried my best to be one, until i got screwed.

13. Do you believe everyone deserves a
second chance?
they can try but the chances are small.

14. Ever liked someone else's
boyfriend or girlfriend?
hahaha. nope.

15. Like anyone right now?
hahaha.

16. Does that person like you back?
no idea.

18. What are you going to do tonight?
pick my mom up at the airport.

19. How do you feel right now?
still dizzy from all the alcohol.

20 . Have you ever thought you were
going to marry the person you were
with?

yeah. until i got screwed and realized something. 

badasspaul

please stop every fucking thing. 

 stop everything. i dont want you ever checking my profiles or blogs or whatever. i just dont want to have anything to do with you.

 stop it.

just effin stop it.

it took two monkey's. and thats what i call monkey business. YOU FUCKED UP, biatch.

oh now im intense. and i am going to  fuckup anyone who fucking gets in my fucking way. so fucking stay out. 

and, maybe, i'll break his fucking ankles just for fun. i might do that. i know you get what i mean.

 wait, people might think im going to break it as in street ball style breaking ankles. well, i am going to do that. and i am going to break it literally. so fuck off.

last na to.

badasspaul

konti na lang mkakapag move on na... shiyet...

or totoo ba?

konting memories na lang.. reformat na siguro ng laptop para completely wala na...

 pano ba makalimot ng number? haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...

 mag mahalan kayo niyang doctor mo. hahaha. bitter amputa. hahaha. tangina naman... hmmmmmm... ang bitter ko, baka ganito lang talaga kapag hurt. haha.

hayop ka naman, may nalalaman ka pang hurt hurt. unggoy ka talaga kulas! hahaha. dami mong alam.

 ok, from now on, gusto ko na maging isang naglalakad na anesthesia... para wala na akong maramdaman. ok bang ideya yun?! hmmmm... mukhang magandang ideya... magddrugs na din ako. haha. para masaya palagi. yeeeehaaa! cowboy mode.

tangina talaga...

edit ko mamaya. 

ok, so after 15 minutes wala parin... di parin makagawa nung sysdev shit na yun, sana lang wala si ser bukas...  para di muna ipapass yung shit na assignment. haha.

 mejo sure na ata talaga ako, pero mejo parin. whocares... anyway... supot parin di makagawa. ano ba yan.

 mga loser na homework ni sir ona... taena... aga ko papala mamaya, tanginang 8am na pasok yan. tapos wala pang goodtimes with mo ngayon!!! pano na yan? pano ako magigising? sheeet... nuod nlng hitch pag nakagawa na ako. hahaha. ang supot talaga. ano ba yang katarantaduhan na yan...

anyway... ayun, mukhang decided na talaga ako. magshishift na ako, para lalong hindi ko na makita. kailangan ko na lang ang consent ng aking motherness. advertising ba? may accounting parin yun eh, ayaw... journalism na lang okaya mass communication. yeah... hahahaha! kapag ganun, makakalimutan ko na siguro siya ng tuluyan. labo...

well anyway, since wala naman atang nakakabasa nito pwera kay borj... pwede ko sabhin kahit ano. haha. hey borj! wla lang. hahaha.

badtrip pala yung alumni homecoming sa marist. finals pala namin yun. paano ako pupunta?

supoooot. hahaha. LH concert bukas. hahaha. manonood kami ng LH squad. hahaha.

lets go LH boys.

nga pala, naisip ko lang... mahirap pala magisip kapag nakainom ng redhorse. hahahaha. tanginang yan, pano kaya ako matatapos nito. haha. ok lang, 6 hours pa bago mag 8 am. kayang kaya. hahahaha.

sana maging masaya bukas.. soap dish pala kakanta, yes... first time ko sila makikita in person. ahahaha. kakanta sila ng tensionado, tska ng higher... sana. haha. sino kaya mag hohost? sana si chal ulit... woooow. hahaha.

kailangan na gumawa. edit ulit mamaya. 

badasspaul

soooo... inuman session kagabi with my friends.

di ko maintindihan what happened to me. all i knew was i was supposed to go home by around 12:30, pero hell i woke up at around 7am in the same house. i knew my mom would wreak havoc on me when i get home. thankfully, she didnt. she just asked me why i didnt come home. i said i was in petron, watching then i dozed off. nice excuse..

anyway... last night. couldnt remember much. all i knew was i drank a lot. man, i could have died last night if i still went home. sayang! tangina dapat pinauwi niyo ako.

right now, sobrang depressed nanaman. i cant believe she said all those. well, i know she doesnt care anymore. so why worry? hell....

sabi nila kanina, before i left, nagsuka daw ako. hahahaha. shheeeet! kadiri. pero gaya ng motto namin ni ric, "OK LANG SUMUKA, WAG LANG SUSUKO."

alam ko lang kagabi, umiinom ako at umiiyak at the same time. haha. san ka pa?

anyway... have to move on. hindi ka naman na mahal nun kulas, so why bother. . . ?  napilitan lang yun dati...  its just another bad experience. sabihan ka ba naman ng, "i should not have taken the chance eh." yan yung mga linya na tipong kahit sabog sabog ka na e nag iinflict parin ng pain. 

putang inang buhay to... walang kwenta. 

tanginang chance yan. ULOL! sabihin mo hindi mo lang talga ako mahal. yun lang yun, ayaw mo pa ako diretsuhin. minura mo na ako't lahat tapos di mo pa masabi yun? tsssssssssssss.