Physiologically and psychologically, I'm not feeling well. Blame it on the lack of my daily dose of internet, browsing through some sites, and whatnots. Blame it on the weather. Blame it on the unfathomable number of mosquitoes lingering in our school. Blame it on the confusing, confusing storyline of D. Gray-man. On the Lavi-Allen pair I'm getting addicted to. On our frickin' duty. ON UPCOMING ORALS.

I hate it when I feel like this. The impending sickness or disease or whatever is just there - it threatens, it dictates.

Okay, I'm not making too much sense there, am I?

Surprise, surprise. I'm not dead, yeah. I've been cut off from the online world for so looooooong, I lost track of the things that I usually spend time to tweak and browse. And I meant Bad Luck, Onemanga (I'd forgotten what chapter of KHR and Naruto Shippuuden I'm reading), and Honeydew Syndrome (geez, I missed four pages.. and four pages meant four weeks!). Imagine that. I rarely check my dA, too, and I'm too busy to upload any new "masterpiece/s" to keep my account alive... and, well, kickin'. I can't believe I can stand a month without taking a peek at my blog and see how it's doin'. I can't believe I can stand a month without checking some new info about Junjou Romantica, and the like. I can't believe the information I got are so outdated in a span of four weeks! Gah, this is what hospital duties and nonexistent "time management skills" does to meeeee!!! *rampages*

Ahem. Enough of that. I know I can go on and on and on ranting about how I missed all the people online, as well as some other stuffs, but for now, I'd like to share how utterly EXHILARATING my 20th birthday was. The week of my damn 20th birthday, at least.

Weeeeeeeeell, July 21-25 was a rather tiring week. Tiring, but definitely full of surprises. We were assigned in Surgery Ward then, and spending time in the clinical area isn't actually new to me, having spent it last year in the Neurology and Neurosurgery Ward. Anyway, I've had plans during the week, and wrote it down on a yellow paper. July 21st had been a free day - although there were tons I could do to prepare for the upcoming Orals, I chose to sleep and just... well, prepare for the next day.

July 22, 2008. I woke up late. I woke up at around 5:00 in the morning when I was supposed to get up on bed at 4 or earlier. Without even taking a slice of bread, I immediately rushed to the CR and took a bath. It took me twenty minutes to finish and another fifteen minutes to finish fixing my things and applying make-up. The sun was already up when I got out of the building and I practically dashed to the hospital, which is only a five-minute walk. Flustered, irritated, and... sweating like a pig so early in the morning, I struggled to put my apron and cap on in a matter of five minutes. But then, a groupmate came and I still waited for her to finish doing hers. I don't blame her, though. So there. We practically ran up to the third floor and... was nearly out of breath when we reached the landing. Without dropping our bags, we immediately signed in and listened to the endorsement. It kind of surprised me to see Emerie already there, when I usually come in earlier than her.. but whatever. I was late then, and it was natural that she'd be there before me.

The time trickled ever so slowly that even as I looked at the clock to see if it was time for meds and taking vital signs yet, my eyes seemed to well in tears as it pointed on numbers 7 and 12. It was still frickin' 7 in the morning! Even as I wanted to do some bedside care, my patient was still sleeping, and I could only look form afar to see that she's safe. I retreated to the room where our bags were and just.. killed time until it was around quarter to 8. The routine proceeded like before... and nothing special happened.

Until 9:30 am came. I took my time rendering bedside care during the past few hours, so when I retreated back into the room to put down my BP App, I realized there were more people in it than I expected. I thought they were preparing for their SOAPIEs, and realized I should work on my own, too, for the fear of being told off by the Head Nurse, and well, by a CI who just choose to pass by the ward without any warning. For some reason, a groupmate just rushed in, saying that the other NOD was kind of in a bad mood and well, vented it on her. I reassured her that he's just like that; that there's nothing really big to worry about. Then, a few moments later, the Head Nurse came in. From the looks of it, she was about to reprimand us for slacking off. She had a point when she said she wanted to see some initiative from all of us - that we should NOT be slacking off, especially when she's got so much to do. She wanted us to learn, to be able to manage ourselves and... well, act like professional nurses, even this early in the game. Though it was not particularly for me, her words made me feel guilty and irresponsible. I merely kept my eyes on the table and just absorbed everything that she said. I was unaware of my other groupmates smiling, laughing silently for a reason I didn't know. Until two other classmates came in with a huge cake.

IT WAS A WELL-PLANNED SURPRISE AND I WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD.

No, the cake wasn't only for me. Three other people were celebrating their birthday during the month and the rest of the group agreed to give us a surprise. Seriously, I cried after they sang "Happy Birthday To You" and revealed I never had a cake for so long. If I remember it right, my last cake - with candles and people singing "Happy Birthday To You", that is - had been thirteen years ago; my 7th birthday. I don't normally celebrate that special day with extravagant parties - heck, I didn't even celebrate my debut with a bang! Let's just say I was being practical and learned to have money as present instead of.. well, spending it on a cake or a party. A simple get-together or something have always done the trick... That's why I was surprised and utterly touched to celebrate my birthday that way.

I cried because I was happy, even when I was sharing the cake with three other people. I was happy.

Too many good things happened during that day: we were spared from doing the SOAPIE because we presented our research to the Dean. There were tons of glitches, but she still commended our work, saying that it was an interesting study and though we have to repeat the whole paper (or maybe just change something here and there), it was still something to be helped and commended by the Dean. For that, I felt like giving my all for the research for the first time! No kidding, we felt too blessed for accomplishing such a feat.

Then came July 23. It was yet another wel-spent day. Emerie, M.G. and I had our defense with Sir Rey Ferrer about the Surgical Case we took the month before, and although we weren't totally prepared, we managed to get a 2.00.

I was with Yuki-chan and we watched The Dark Knight. I kind of asked her to spend the afternoon together on the 24th, but under inevitable circumstances, I was forced to move it on the 23rd instead. I was kind of worried she'd feel bad or something about me being indecisive and all, but it was thanks to that decision she was able to go without having to cut class or something.

We ended up meeting two hours late, no thanks to the defense that ended later than I expected. I also had to take care of some things for the case pre and.. well, practically rushed to take the train to reach the meeting place. It was really embarrassing for turning up two hours late when we agreed to meet at 3. Gah.. I had so many plans, but they were all ruined! We didn't even get the chance to go ice skating, darn it. Time apparently didn't seem to like the idea of us spending the afternoon together, gah. But the consolation was that we still got to spend time in silence while we watched the movie that ended quite... plainly. (I heard some comments from other people about it being cool and.. "great", but I was quite disappointed when I saw it. Two-Face showed up and, gah, he had such short screen time. Note to self: get reviews from the net and don't just jump to conclusions about the movie being great just because Christian Bale starred it.)

I had this really wide smile plastered on my face when I got back into room 206 as I held the necklace she gave me. I was really really happy. Ureshikatta (sp?).

Finally, the BIG DAY. Ore no tanjoubi. After the duty, I quickly packed my things and went home and spent it with my mom. We watched WANTED and it was far more interesting than Dark Knight, and still, I was happy despite my feet being frozen in the utter coldness of the cinema (I didn't wear shoes--I only had a pair of flip-flops then).



With all that's happened last week (what--that was just LAST week?!), I mark my 20th birthday as the most memorable one. It was then when I felt truly blessed for having people like those from D16/A7, my friends and family. Pretty corny and plain as it may sound, I LOVE THEM.


I do have one wish, though.... Wherever you are, I hope you're happy, and I wish you were here. But miracles don't just happen, don't they?

Yeah, first day of the week. Pardon the long absence in the online world, I've been too preoccupied with my hospital duties for three straight weeks (I'm in the final week, yeah.. and then we're going to have a hell lot more)... and yeah, like what I was saying, today's the first working day of the week. Hell, I've been in a lot just this day and it got me pretty inspired to talk about the little adventures.. erm.. I meant little follies I had during the day.

Our group's assigned in the Psychiatry Ward for the first time after being exposed to the utterly deadly concept of Maladaptive during the first five days of classes since last June 16. I've been kind of doubtful of my abilities in communicating with people with disturbed thought processes and the notion I had about Psych patients about being violent and weird and violent and weird and violent never got out of my head even as we finished discussing several personality disorders. So the moment I entered the Ward this morning, the chilling sensation of being attacked suddenly, stabbed at the back by something shard, eyes poked out with ballpen or something (or even bare fingers!) ran through my head for about a full hour. The desolate place somehow triggered the utterly dreadful thoughts that I tried hard to suppress. And when this male patient got out of their room, and sat on a chair right beside the door, I swear I felt all blood rush into my head and nearly ran out the gate and escape into my room's comfort. But of course, it was expected of us to stay on our ground no matter how scary those people are. And eventually, we got to learn about those people who had no strong coping skills... and realize a lot in the process. So there. (Oh yeah, one patient of mine once worked in a ceramics company and he used to design products, so he's pretty much talented in doing paintings.. and he did give me a sample.. No sweat, geez.)

After four hours of exposure, we were pulled out and sent to the library to do some reading assignments plus answering some questions from the book. And being such great, law-abiding students that we are, we decided to eat lunch and just ditch the activity. Haha. Talk about big, responsible fourth year students. Makes me want to jump around in utter glee. By the time we got back, I did read some paragraphs and... then got bored. And because I got bored and was not in the mood to read or write anything, I started coloring the Uzumaki Naruto lineart I did last Friday which was actually intended for the kid patient I had last week at the Pediatric Ward (but I never got to finish the coloring part, so I apparently, I wasn't able to give it to him). But I wasn't able to finish that, too, because the color pencils I was using wasn't mine, so I had to return it and leave my fanart unfinished for the time being.

Fast forward: I went back inside the dorm, changed clothes and decided to go to SM Centerpoint and do a bit of studying there. I was kind of reluctant staying inside that room for the fear of just sleeping through my assignment and never accomplishing anything at all. When I reached the place, I grabbed a bite to eat - a caramel donut and a muffin from Dunkin Donuts. They tasted great, and I thought I needed all the sugar before I continued with coloring Naruto. When I finally finished eating the sweets, I took out all the materials I needed and proceeded with my task with such concentration I was able to block out the unnecessary noise in the foodcourt.

Here's the clincher: while I was busy coloring Naruto's top, I took a glance at the area right ahead and saw a passerby looking at my work. I've grown used to people peering at whatever I'm doing that I chose to ignore him. But when he stood right behind my seat and said, "Ang ganda ah!", it would be totally impolite of me to not be grateful. He picked up two reference pictures I had (they're from an issue of Shounen Jump I bought just earlier this year and it had Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi on one of them, and Ichigo on the other) and asked whether I was going to draw Ichigo next. I nodded in assent and asked back, "Anime fan?" But his reply was nothing I ever imagined. He said he was an animator. AN ANIMATOR, for chrissakes! He was a complete stranger, but when I heard he was an ANIMATOR, that's when he sat down beside me and showed me some of his works. He said he was also using Faber-Castell and Colleen color pencils... and he asked some questions which revealed nothing more than my interest in arts and anime. He explained some things about his works, and when the conversation was about to come to a close, he left his number on a sheet of paper that littered the table and said the company he was in accepts trainees. I did say that the only thing I can do for now are fanarts, but he still gave me a boost by saying, "Bata ka pa, marami ka pang matututunan. At saka kung interesado ka, tawag ka lang."

Fear of being tricked was never erased from my head, and of course, to be on a safe side, I was still a bit suspicious. Nevertheless, it was least of what I expected and I thought it must be God's will for me to continue coloring at that place and then to be seen by an animator. One mistake on my part, though, was that I didn't ask for the company name. But whatever. If I happen to quit Nursing, I'd have something to turn to and still be able to enjoy life. Okay, maybe I'm thinking too far ahead without much basis, but then again, it won't actually hurt to be a bit hopeful, right?

When the guy named Kris left with me thanking him, I kept repeating to myself - with a wide smile plastered on my face - "SUGOI NA... SUGOI DESU!!!!!!" And I was such in a happy mood until now that I'm actually inspired to do some more paintings and artworks until sleep catches up on me. Of course, I have to read another chapter and finish my homework before I do that. Haha.


On a different note, I'm STILL "addicted" (but not quite) to KATEIKYOUSHI HITMAN REBORN!. And what's kind of confusing me is that I think I'm beginning to like Tsuna's character. Not because he's the lead character, but.. well, yeah, okay, he's the main character but there's just something more to him than meets the eye. And he's becoming too mature-looking as the story progresses, with him on Hyper-Dying Will Mode... with matching Ver. VR! Oh, and Vongola Primo looks hawt. Correct me if I'm wrong - /the/ Vongola Primo is Tsuna's great great grandfather, right? (Ah, self-proclaimed addict.. not even knowing the real relationship of the First and the Tenth. Shameful!) Whatever. I've watched the anime version of that part.. and I swear, if I wasn't at a public place, I would have screamed like a real fangirl would and drool all over the place. How come they those people have to be so SMEXAY?!

Ahem. Enough fangirling. I know I've got more pressing matters at hand, and I swore to myself that I'd reward myself after the Orals by watching the 10 titles/series lined up. Then I'd cosplay Kakashi for a kouhai if I have the guts. Then I'd continue with my original cosplay plans and hopefully finish in time for HeroCon this year.

Okay, the computer shop's about to close and I need to end this now.

<<START INCOMPLETE RANT>>

I attended Toycon last Saturday, hoping that I'd be able to at least see the TuxTeam... but ALAS, it seemed as though the gods have twisted my Fate that I only ended up seeing the younger Hinata cosplayer who was with them! Argh, I can't express how infuriated I am at myself for not being able to utilize every ounce of strength that I had to search for them through innumerable, almost unquantifiable mass of crowd! I blame myself for being such a lazyass that I didn't even try to follow a sign of the TuxTeam! Damn, if only I had the all-seeing eye and whatever power that enables me to track the TuxTeam and get a picture of them!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<<END INCOMPLETE RANT>>

Belated, that is. It was Taiki-kun's birthday last June 2, and I just remembered now. Damn, I lack the brain cells to actually remember important dates.. my memory bank seems to be destroyed. *rampages*

It's only a week more till the start of classes again, and I haven't even started with my task. I need to study 17+ diseases for our group study. This is how I should be spending the remaining days of my two-week summer vacation, and I don't like it all. I SHOULD be preparing other things that have my interest in it, but then, I don't even fucking know how to manage activities, now that there are more pressing matters at hand (e.g. moving to a different room in our dorm, two floors below our current place.. so that means going up and down two flights of stairs and heaving all my things and fixing them.. geez).

I don't think I made much sense there, but bear with it. The afternoon heat's frying my brain off.

There's nothing more to say right now... I mean, I don't know what to write at the moment. It's best if I shut up and just go back after I have enough sense to actually continue writing.

P.S. I've finished editing some pics for my new layout. No, it's not that staring at Ryutaro's face tires me, it's more like I can't stare at him long enough because there's nothing much to read in this blog. But the new layout featuring some charas from KHR is intended as a gift for Taiki-kun. Yeah, that's that.

welcome

need directions?

Twisted Symphony

hourglass

favorites

current addictions

lists

link exchanges

blog crew

my links

Aruki Sato

desktop

Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn!: Vongola Famiglia

disclaimers